


Altering Fate

by Magentas_Nightmare



Series: Merle Dixon Oneshots [66]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Forgiveness, Merle screws up big time:), Oneshot, Second Chances, Smut, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:35:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29046987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magentas_Nightmare/pseuds/Magentas_Nightmare
Relationships: Merle Dixon/Carol Peletier
Series: Merle Dixon Oneshots [66]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1337284
Comments: 13
Kudos: 6





	Altering Fate

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hudsonbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hudsonbird/gifts).



> **Altering Fate**

* * *

Atlanta, Summer 1998

Merle could sense that she was running and it was easily the worst idea he'd ever had to ask her out. Merle and Axel had a big truck and would help people move on the weekends to make extra money and this woman had responded to an ad they placed on a local Facebook page. They both worked as mechanics during the day at the same shop but it always helped to have extra money for fun and games.

It was apparent that the woman they were helping move on this day was eager to get going before someone returned home, likely her partner...Merle had seen this before.

The woman was scanning the street when he and Axel turned up to move her sparse possessions to a new residence. She was bouncing a baby on her hip and looked anxious. Everything about her situation and demeanor said that she was in no position to start something new but he couldn't help his attraction to her. The baby was probably only a year or so and it didn't matter to him that she had a child, he was still more than interested.

“Just this one load, hey?” Axel called when they tossed the last garbage bag into the back of the truck.

“Yep, she sure don't own much,” Merle noted. “I think she's looking to get the hell outta Dodge.”

“She's doing a runner for sure,” Axel agreed. “She said she needs a lift over to the new place on Scarth Street so you take her in your truck now and I'll drive this stuff over.”

“Deal. She's got a room in that little boarding house I bet,” Merle sighed. “Bit of a dump.”

“She must be desperate.”

“She shouldn't be on her own there with that little one,” Merle frowned. “Alright, I'll meet you over there.”

/

“Hey there, you ready?” he asked as she fidgeted with a stuffed bear.

The baby was in a stroller now and happily playing with her own feet.

“Yeah. I better get out of here,” she shrugged. “Thanks for coming on such short notice.”

“Not a problem. It was Carol, right?”

“Yes, and you're Merle?”

“That's right, and this little honey?”

“Sophia.”

Merle bent down to ingratiate himself to the little one.

“Hey there, beautiful! Them some tasty toes?” he grinned as the baby looked up at him in amusement.

Merle loaded the stroller and a diaper bag into his truck and knew that he'd have to move faster than was appropriate to have a chance. He pulled away from her old home and waited only a moment before starting in with the small talk.

“So...are you gonna be OK?”

“Why do you ask?”

“You're doing a runner, right? Just wondering if you and little missy here are gonna be safe.”

“It's that obvious, huh?” she sighed.

“Afraid so, but it's not your fault. These things happen.”

“True. We should be OK. He doesn't seem to care much about stopping me from leaving actually. I think he's finally bored of abusing me.”

“I don't like the idea of you being on your own in this new neighborhood,” he said.

“You don't even know me.”

“I know...but I want to.”

“You do?”

“Couldn't be a worse time to hit on you, I know,” he laughed.

“I have a baby,” she noted as if he didn't know.

“So? You're still a woman and a fine looking woman at that.”

“Wow. It's been a hundred years since anyone flirted with me. Was starting to think it would never happen again.”

“I don't think I'll have another chance to ask so I'm gonna go for it. What do you say, I pick up some pizza and a 6-pack and help you get your new place sorted out for the evening? If you don't like me, I won't bother you again.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yep. So even if you decide I ain't your type you get a meal and help unpacking. That's a solid deal, right?”

“I'll take it,” she smiled. “I feel incredibly irresponsible for taking you up on this as I'm walking out on the father of my child...but I think I like you already.”

/

That first night, Merle stayed until past midnight and he knew it from the start. After the pizza and a few beers, they gradually got the baby's crib set up next to Carol's bed and put up curtains in the room so Sophia wouldn't be up at dawn. Carol got her to sleep in the new place by 10 pm and then Merle spent two hours hearing all about how Carol had ended up in the position she was in. He was familiar with her story, it was very close to his mother's own story. He opened up to her about his family and she understood him right from the start. He felt in one evening that they belonged together, it was madness but it felt so good.

There was no sex, but there was a kiss and that kiss felt like enough to last them both a lifetime.

“So? How do you feel about me?” he asked her. “Do I get another date?”

“You sure do...I know this is probably the last thing I should be pursuing right now, but I can't help it. I like you.”

“I like you too, and I promise I won't hurt you.”

“I trust you,” she smiled.

“We can take it nice and slow,” he assured her.

“I think that's best but still...”

“What?”

“It's been a long few months and you're handsome as hell. Any chance of a kiss?” she grinned.

Merle took her then slowly by the cheeks and kissed her softly allowing the moment to smolder before lowering his hands to her waist and then her hips. By the time he let her go, her hair was a tousled mess and she was breathing heavier.

“My God,” she breathed. “That was some kiss.”

“This is gonna be good,” he grinned. “I agree it don't make sense but it's gonna be good.”

/

Merle decided within only a couple of weeks that he wasn't OK with where Carol was living and so he stayed with her most nights just so that he could sleep. Ed still hadn't come looking for her and it blew Merle's mind that his own child was of no concern to him. Still, Merle, Carol, and Sophia were like a little family pretty quickly, he would make meals for Sophia and tidy up around the house while Carol was working at her new job. It was a huge money savings for her to not have to pay a sitter and Merle pitched in for bills and groceries every time she would allow it. Merle liked spending time with the little one and would take her to the park or to the mechanic shop to show her off. Still, the neighborhood bothered him and he hoped to move them out of there soon.

“I'm fine,” she assured him. “I lock the deadbolt every time I come in.”

“I hate this area. I don't even like you walking to the mailbox,” he groaned.

“It'll be fine. I have you here.”

“True. I was gonna meet Axel for a drink tonight after the big move we got lined up but I won't be late.”

She went a little quiet then and he pressed her about why. She was normally very agreeable.

“Something up?”

“No. It's OK.”

“Come on, what is it?”

“I just had Ed come home after drinking a lot and it was never good.”

“I'm not Ed.”

“I'm sorry. I know you aren't.”

“It's OK. I just don't wanna be compared to Ed or my dad or any other piece of shit man who can't keep his hands to himself,” he explained.

More than one woman in his past had been judgmental because everyone knew his father and expected nothing good from a Dixon man. He felt in many ways that he would never outrun the shadow of his name. He already loved Carol and he knew she didn't really mean anything by it, but it was a trigger for him that was hard to fight.

“I didn't mean to hurt your feelings,” she said.

“I know,” he smiled. “It's just a sore spot for me having a father like I did.”

He got back to Carol's house that night after a good few rounds with Axel and could sense that she still felt weird about it. He felt judged but decided to suck it up. Carol had been through a lot and he needed to try and understand where she was coming from.

“You mad at me?” he asked as he slid into bed next to her.

“No...it's my own issue. You did nothing wrong.”

“Come here,” he growled, rolling her over to face him. “Can you still stand to kiss me when I smell like whiskey?”

“Of course I can,” she grinned.

Merle moved over her, knowing they'd have to be almost silent so as not to wake the baby. He kissed her sweetly, allowing his hands to move down her body and under her nightgown. He teased her through her panties long enough to get her wet and panting. Trying to be intimate with a little one within earshot in a tiny bachelor suite was like being a teenager again, but it was worth it to be with her.

She squirmed out of her panties then and he made his way under the blankets to get her off before taking the point home. Merle licked her slow and soft as she held a pillow to her face to stifle the moaning. He gripped her inner thighs and when he could tell she was ready, he sucked her clit gently to tip her over the edge into oblivion.

“Oh my God!” she groaned into the pillow and he grinned like a demon down between her thighs.

This was not the usual sex he was used to. He was twenty-six, so most of his sex was wild fucking after the bar with all the lights on. This was silent nooky in the dark like they were committing a crime, but he loved it because it was with Carol. She gave him a sense of belonging and importance. Being with her was his path away from becoming his father.

He crawled back up between her legs and made love to her with her nighty still on but it was more than enough to get him off and afterward, he was able to hold her till morning.

He planned to get her to move in soon, then Sophia could have the spare bedroom in his house. He could live with silent sex in the dark under the covers for a while but he really didn't want to somehow traumatize the kid if she ever woke up.

/

_And so things went for the first month of their relationship. The only time they would have tension is when he'd go out drinking with Axel and he did resent the idea that him having a drink with a friend reminded her of Ed. Ed was like his own father and he had spent his entire life running from that comparison. Merle figured that he worked hard so why not let his hair down a little. He never drove drunk and he didn't screw around or get into bar fights. Who was he hurting?_

/

They had been together 6 weeks when Axel and the guys from the shop invited him out for a big party for the 4th of July. He was excited to go and once again, Carol was not.

“Are you going to be out late?” she asked as she tried to get Sophia to eat broccoli.

“Probably.”

“OK,” she sighed.

“Carol, if we're going to be together, you need to trust me.”

“I do.”

“Do you? Cause I keep feeling like a disobedient kid when I go out with my buddies.”

“Merle, hey. I'm sorry. Just forget I said anything. Have fun tonight.”

“You know you're the only one for me. I want to be here for you and be a daddy to Sophia but I'm twenty-six and I need to get outta the house too.”

“I know. I told you, this is my issue. It's going to be fine. Just go out and have a good time. You work so hard and you take such good care of us...I know you need to blow off steam sometimes.”

“I love you, you know that, right?”

“I love you too,” she smiled.

/

Merle had the night of his life that night. The band in town was on fire, playing all his favorite songs. Axel and the guys were being generous with drinks in his direction and he laughed at all the stupid jokes and stories being passed around. He loved the new love he had going on with Carol and never even glanced at other women, but it felt so free to be out with the boys laughing and cutting up.

He was so lit when the cab dropped him off at Carol's that it didn't even dawn on him that she might be upset with him stumbling in at 3 am shit-faced drunk.

He tripped over Sophia's rainboots when he managed to get his key through the slot and landed with a dead thump in the entryway.

There she was when he looked up and she didn't look impressed.

“What now?” he sighed.

“You're going to wake up Sophia,” she scolded.

“That baby sleeps like a rock. She'll be fine,” he argued as he struggled to get to his feet.

“Merle...never mind.”

“What? You got something to say every time I go out.”

“I just wish you'd get this out of your system.”

“Having fun?”

“Getting smashed and coming home plastered in the middle of the night.”

“I'm twenty-six. I treat you good, I work my ass off, and I love that girl like she was my own. What else do you want from me?”

“I left someone over drinking and here I am again,” she sighed.

“You left because of _abuse_ and drinking, there's a big difference.”

“I know, but this is where it starts.”

“No! I'm never going to be like that. Do you hear me? I am not Ed! I am not my father!”

He was in the middle of arguing his case when he saw it and he could never unsee it no matter what he did. Merle shrank back in shock at his own behavior and walked out the door without another word. She tried to chase after him but he was much too fast and she couldn't leave Sophia.

“Merle! Come back! Where are you going?”

“Get back in the apartment. This neighborhood ain't safe.”

“Why are you leaving?”

“Go back home, Carol.”

He wandered the streets for what felt like forever and knew it couldn't happen again. For all the good times he already had with Carol, he couldn't risk this again. He'd have to call her in the morning and call it quits, it was simply the right thing to do.

He had clearly scared her and there was no taking it back. In the middle of his stupid rant, she clearly flinched at his raised voice and he could see the fear in her eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. He had chosen drinking over her and there was no denying it. Merle knew how much anxiety it gave her to have him out late drinking, not knowing what state he would return in, and yet he had chosen to do it on more than one occasion already.

It was only after an hour of wandering that he decided he was lost and called his brother from a pay phone for help getting home.

/

“Get up, sunshine.”

Merle had zero idea where he was or what had happened the night before. Upon opening his eyes, he knew it wasn't Carol's place because he had heard his brother's voice before anything else and then it dawned on him slowly but surely what he'd done.

“Hey,” he muttered.

“So, you fucked it all up with Carol already?” Daryl stated in a dry tone as he poured himself a coffee.

“Already? Like this was inevitable?”

“Wasn't it? You ain't ready for something like that. You party more than I do and I'm only twenty-one.”

“Fuck you.”

“It's just a shame you went and got her hopes up.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I was rooting for you! You call me in the middle of the night ranting that you raised your voice at her and scared her! I ain't fuckin' impressed, brother.”

“Here we go.”

“What? You afraid I'm gonna say you're just like him, well I'm not, but you sure are headed down that road. We Dixons don't handle liquor too good or did you forget? If you can't get a lid on your drinking you'll never keep a woman worth keeping.”

“Thought I was gonna find some sympathy with my own blood, I guess not.”

“I feel sorry for her, not you. I feel pity for you.”

“Since when do you talk to me like this!” Merle shot back.

“You need to hear it and I'm the one who loves you enough to say it. If you ever get a second chance with that woman, you never drink again.”

“Daryl, I'm not messing with her anymore. You're right, I'll only let her down. I thought I had it figured out. I loved being part of a little family like that.”

“Why not call her and work it out. Put the fuckin' bottle down and give it a real try for once?”

“I'll only screw it up anyway.”

Daryl shrugged and sat down with his coffee, he looked completely unamused.

“That settles it then, I guess.”

“Settles what?”

“You don't deserve her, and here I thought you were in love.”

“Why the fuck are you being so harsh?” Merle growled.

“Cause I'm trying to push you! I don't wanna see you end up alone with nothing. All you have to do is stop drinking or commit to slowing it right down at least. She doesn't need this shit and you know it. When will you learn that it's you who decides where you end up?” Daryl sighed. “I need to go to work, see you later, man.”

Merle was left with nothing but his sadness and a whole lot to consider. He knew he was meant to be with her. Why had he decided that drinking was so important? Could he really promise her that he'd change? Was it fate for him to become his father?

/

Carol woke up alone and Sophia was looking over the edge of the crib, clearly looking for Merle.

“He's gone, sweetheart. I'm sorry.”

She rolled over feeling stupid and picked Sophia up out of her crib to get the day moving. Of all things, she didn't have a babysitter lined up for work now. Merle was first and foremost her lover and friend but he was also her babysitter. She didn't work that day, but she'd need to figure something out soon.

Carol wandered the two steps out into the living room/kitchen and set Sophia down in front of her cheap second-hand Tv to watch cartoons as she gathered up breakfast. She missed him already and had no confirmation of why he left although there was a sneaking suspicion. She presumed that having a family was too much for him and he needed freedom from the commitment of it all. Maybe she didn't blame him for that, she only wished that she'd known all along and not been so excited about their future together.

Carol played with Sophia as she listened to the daily scraps between her neighbors on the street. She'd never know what they always found to scream about but there was daily bickering.

Sophia handed her one of Merle's socks from the living room floor where he had discarded it and she almost cried. She still didn't know why he had left so suddenly without a word. It was an argument, sure, but he took off as if he'd seen a ghost and she wished so badly she could talk to him but he wasn't answering his home phone.

Carol spent the day calling around to find a sitter who wouldn't charge her an arm and a leg but it was next to impossible. Ed had never bothered to look for her and it didn't surprise her. He was never interested in being a father and she appeared to be mostly an annoyance to him. Atlanta was a large city but not so large that he couldn't have found her if he wanted to.

By supper time, Carol was feeling desperate about her babysitting situation and started to crack as she fed Sophia her supper at the tiny kitchen table Merle had bought her. Carol had to get ahold of him somehow. Merle wasn't perfect but she missed him desperately and wished she hadn't been so hard on him about going out with his friends. It was true that it bothered her, but she needed him in a way she couldn't explain.

Sophia was tired early that day and somehow fell asleep on the couch halfway through Cinderella at 8 pm. Carol watched her child sleeping as if the world was still a perfect place where fairytales could come true and closed her eyes to think for a moment in the dying light of the summer day.

She was startled by a noise on the landing of her floor and then she was sure she saw something on the floor of her entryway. Carol got up, checking that Sophia was still sleeping peacefully when she realized that Merle had slipped a letter under her door. She refused to stop to read it, she couldn't bear to let him get away a second time.

“Merle! Stop!”

Carol looked down the stairwell and caught him by the front door.

“Get back up here!” she pleaded.

Finally, after a moment of stalling, he began the trip back up the stairs. Carol insisted he step back into her suite to speak to her properly but he had a request of his own.

“Read the letter.”

She opened the envelope and glanced over at Sophia before beginning.

  
  


_Carol, I thought I was going to be good for you but I screwed it up and I really don't want to waste your time. I love you like crazy but I might be designed to fail after all. I'll keep leaving money for you and Sophia, don't fight me on that, please._

_Merle._

  
  


The envelope contained a hundred dollars and she looked up at him as if he couldn't be real.

“Merle, why did you go?” she asked in a soft tone that was begging only for truth.

“I saw what I did to you. I was raising my voice and you flinched. You were scared of me and I won't stand for that.”

“I do that all the time.”

“What to you mean?”

“I flinch really easily after what I went through with Ed. Even if Sophia screams I flinch...it's just an impulse I have now. I was upset when you were raising your voice, that's true, but I wasn't scared of you. I know you'd never be physical with me.”

“I'm still sorry. I know you don't need this shit. If I could go back in time I wouldn't have wasted any time at the bar when I could have been curled up with you in bed. I know I messed up and I regret losing you over it.”

“The only one who said you lost me is you. Do you still want to be with me or not?”

“I want you more than anything. I always will. I'm still young and dumb, I guess, and I just hope you'll forgive me.”

“I'd be a fool not to give this another shot. We had a hell of a lot more good times than bad. I won't put up with nonsense forever, mind you, but I do think we deserve another try at this.”

“Seriously?” he sighed.

“Of course.”

Merle pulled her close and knew that the choice was clear. It was fine to go out with his friends but that didn't mean he had to overdo it and if he had a choice it would always be better to be with her.

“You know, she'll be out like a light for at least an hour if you wanted to lock the door and join me in the bedroom,” she suggested.

Merle caught the hint and turned to deadbolt the door and put the chain on.

“Do I get to show you how sorry I am at full volume with the lights on this time?” he growled.

“You better.”

Clothing fell as they kissed their way to the bedroom and he held her topless body to his own, knowing that he had failed, but refusing to ever do it again. His denial of being like his father had blinded him to the fact that anyone can become their own worst enemy. Sometimes running from fate is the fastest way to run right into it. He knew now that accepting that it was possible to end up like his father was the best way to combat the chance of it happening.

“I need you, Merle...I missed you all day.”

“I woke up so hungover I couldn't think straight and then my brother talked some sense to me and ever since I've been kicking my own ass over you. I love you, honey. You and that girl are everything to me and I'm gonna keep it straight this time.”

“I know, baby...now touch me,” she whined.

Merle lay her out on the bed and yanked her pants down her legs in one swift motion, before diving in to tease her through her panties.

“Oh damn!” she winced and he turned back to nudge the door shut with his foot.

“You go ahead and make some noise, woman. I'm moving you both into my house as soon as you agree to it and then you can really let 'er rip,” he insisted.

Merle had enough of teasing pretty quickly and tore her panties down her legs so quickly they ripped and it left her rolling with laughter.

“You owe me some panties!” she giggled.

Merle winked and dropped his pants then.

“How's about this first?”

“Oh hell yes!”

Merle went down on her and had her panting hard in only minutes, sliding two thick fingers inside her to get her there and working his Dixon magic on her clit. She broke like they were the only two people on Earth and he loved the sound of it as she grabbed him by the head with both hands and rolled her pussy against his mouth in desperation to follow the sweet sensation of release.

Merle took her then, fucking her hard and smooth as she repeated his name. They were one again, but he would fuck it all up if he ever let himself slip again. He'd do what it took now that he was getting that second chance. Carol deserved nothing less.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  



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